Tuesday, December 11, 2007

A Tune For Every Christmas Card I Write

I'm about to start a project that I normally don't get done before the holidays. Over the weekend I successfully transferred digital images of my children and had prints made for however few holiday cards I'll send this year. I've spent the evening in a cleaning frenzy for no good reason, while the cards and prepared photos sit on the dining room table. They've been there since Sunday evening. It's now Tuesday evening. Tomorrow at this time I'll be hovering somewhere between here and Columbus on my way home from a client meeting, with no hope of working on them. Thursday is the unknown. Friday brings children, and a week of holding our breath to see if anyone brings home that ferocious stomach flu that's been claiming kids and teachers all over NE Ohio.

So I probably should start on the cards.

I'm usually much more spun out with excitement for the holidays. This is the first year I think I understand why so many people don't like this time of year. Typically I'm making up cookie lists and scheduling eatch batch, ordering and hiding presents, and bringing in evergreen cuts, and obsessing over holiday music. Instead I'm tossing school papers from 2005 and listening to Neil Young cuts on FolkAlley.com.

But this Robert Earl Keen tune is sure to get me and everyone else in the holiday spirit. Remember that awful "Twelve Days of Christmas" with the guy that sounded like Archie Bunker? This holiday song is THE antidote.

Merry Christmas, from my family to yours.

Back to the cards!

Merry Christmas from the Family

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him until he sang
Felis Navidad, Felis Navidad
Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chain smoking while the stereo plays Noel, Noel The First Noel

Carve the Turkey
Turn the ball game on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quickpak Store
We need some ice and an extension chord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites
A box of tampons, Marlboro Lights
Haleluja everybody say Cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw a breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night, Oh Silent Night, Oh Holy Night

Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Make Bloody Mary's Cause We All Want One!
Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites
A box of tampons, some Salem Lights
Haleluja, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the Family


At December 11, 2007 11:00 PM, Blogger Shameless Agitator said...

Ah, hiding from the holidays. There is an album on iTunes called "Codependent Christmas" by the Therapy Sisters. It's a riot!

There are very good reasons why my favorite holiday movies are "The Ref" and "Christmas Vacation"...

Ho ho ho!


At December 13, 2007 10:05 AM, Blogger Blueberry said...

That song by REK gets a lot of airplay around these parts!

...and you've been tagged.

At December 13, 2007 2:53 PM, Blogger DrDon said...

Hey, stop writing blog posts and get to work on those cards!

At December 13, 2007 10:09 PM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

ACK! And I always forget how damn out of date my address list is.

Shameless, thanks for helping make my week more merry!

Blueberry, I don't think I did the tagging justice.

Don, I almost finished the addressing of envelopes, and I have the requisite photos. Per item number one, if I could just make sure I have all the addresses I need...


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