Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Turd Maxim Holds Firm

A while back I acquired a maxim from a friend and fellow blogger, a maxim that today proved true:

You can give it a shiny new convertable, a shiny (and probably sadly unsuspecting) new girl in the passenger seat, and all the benefit of the doubt you can muster.

But you really can't polish a turd.

I don't want to bother with the details of the brief episode, but it was thoughtless enough, tasteless enough, and preventable enough that it deserves a nod.

My mother would have called this kind of behavior "uncouth:"

1. Crude; unrefined.
2. Awkward or clumsy; ungraceful.
3. Archaic Foreign; unfamiliar.

My sister and I decided that, when we get through the various real difficulties we're dealing with, perhaps we'll invent a Couth Blockage Enema for the many people we know who seem to need one.

It's so tiresome. And I don't know what the answer is. I do know that I managed to have relationships all throughout the last couple of years without ever once feeling compelled to show these men where my kids' father lived, certainly not without invitation or within the first ten minutes of having laid them. Really, I think I'm at a point, both in my personal life and in my career, where I just expect other adults to have better sense, maybe take a moment to think and make sound decisions, or, you know, show some couth. Otherwise I have to imagine that no one my age really is that daft, and have to assume that these completely avoidable acts are chosen with full intention of their potential. By turds.

This is a job for a nonbluegrass but nonetheless marvelous and highly regarded folksinger, Christine Lavin. I can't run the lyrics to this live tune, because you don't need them, and you'll hear every word. If you haven't seen Christine, or are unfamiliar with her work, you might really enjoy her. You might especially appreciate her if you are continually caught off guard by your own unsupecting and forgiving attitude toward people who are just not as smart as you are.

A final word to those who scratch their heads and wonder why I might possibly only be interested in men several years my senior: DUH.


At July 15, 2007 8:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, MM! If you need, Shameless and I are in Granville; the Tycho's in the freezer.

Love you.


At July 15, 2007 9:13 PM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

Hey Shadow,

GREAT SMOOCHIES to YOU! I miss you regardless but especially in times of being smacked upside the head with The Great Ineptitude of Humanity. I'm in T-town with the best daughter ever this week but I will be down in a few weeks. Zest me a lime garni and have it ready, baby. In the meantime if you want to pizza or pasta with us, let me know!


At July 16, 2007 6:43 AM, Blogger Shameless Agitator said...

woah. sounds like there is some story here. call if you need us.

i like your turd analogy. my stalker is back to putting her little friends up to doing her dirty work. trying to mess with me. i could annihilate them with the touch of a keystroke. yet i haven't done it yet. what's up with that? or is it that i am the only adult in this situation. shit, by the time i was their age, i had a toddler. i didn't have time to sit around and mess with facebook.

love you,

At July 16, 2007 7:45 AM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

Thanks. I think I'm just so tired of this kind of intentional showmanship. Some people must wake up every day and say to themselves, "The feelings of other people are nothing compared to the fun I can have at their expense."

I fielded questions about The Parent Trap a good portion of the next hour until I could lose that train with an exhausting four-hour playdate at a national park.

At July 16, 2007 8:12 AM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

PS to Shameless -- sorry to hear the lurker is back. It sounds like you may be the only grown up in the room. And that's part of my frustration too. At what point do I get to work and play with grownups again rather than clean up after their games? I didn't think my life was all that interesting, but it's not so bad that I have to go out of my way to prank on strangers, exs, whatever. Good God. It's like I'm the ticket taker at an evil carnival, lol!

At July 16, 2007 10:51 AM, Anonymous A said...

Like my Grandma used to say (of course she used a duck in her analogy)
If it smells like a turd and lies like a turd………
And even when it tries to convince you it’s a sweet little pile of compost
Remember its really just a big old steaming bucket o’ shit : )

At July 16, 2007 1:44 PM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

Hey A! Your grandmother was right. Thankfully I know enough about composting to know that sometimes you really can turn a big pile of the stinky s...tuff into something that makes other -- better -- things grow. Thanks for stopping by!



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