Free to Be...
Since I had a lot of time alone in the car over the weekend, it gave me the opportunity to sort of open up and think about my life, where it's been, where it is now, where it might be headed. Every time I go through this I always come out thinking how fortunate I am, and I really am.
There are just some things that we can't know until it's really time to know them. Today, I was thinking about how lucky I am to have the friends I have, and to have the time I have to enjoy them, and to have the life I have that includes such incredible freedom and quite a bit of joy considering all the constraints I could see instead.
It finally dawned on me how little real freedom I've really ever had until now. I haven't really had the opportunity to enjoy being alone. Either I've been married, hooked up with the wrong person, trying to be the right person, or worrying about it. Through it all, I rarely felt comfortable truly being myself. Now that I'm making a conscious effort to steer clear, I'm realizing how good it is to really be on my own. Sure, I love to get together with my friends or go out and hear a show, but I truly don't mind coming home to my own quiet place. Maybe that sounds weird. Now, I mean, if I could have a loving partnership in my life that would allow me to be myself without reservation, I'd be open to it, but right now, I am exactly where I need to be.
Last evening I spent a few hours with a good friend over dinner. We were talking about the good things about being alone. It's likely though that we couldn't really pull it off without having the friends we do. The friends I have in my life all know I don't pull any punches. I have my BA degree, not a BS degree. Sometimes I think it's a miracle that I have any friends at all. But really, they keep me in balance. And the best part about all of them is that they still love me when I'm just being my real me, which can be pretty odd at times.
I love that, too. And I love them.
And, I love my life. It's not the easiest, or the most exciting. But it really is mine, and it can be whatever I decide it needs to be.
I've been spending a lot of time listening to Tony Rice's album, Unit of Measure, a must have for any Tony Rice fan. Sort of right smack in the middle of the recording between a couple of heavy hitting, hard-driving instrumentals is this stunningly beautiful song called High Noon. It's title is intriguing to me. There's no duel here, just maybe the duality of what we think of as the brightest part of the day and the deep quiet peace this track conveys. I was explaining to someone how listening to Tony Rice always helps me to feel grounded, and this song is exceptionally good for that. It is absolutely gorgeous. Perfect music for the end of a very good day.