Thursday, February 22, 2007

Bluegrass Can't Fix This House, So I Called Kate Bush

As my friends Shadow and Shameless would advise, it's time to smudge.

Evidently, the excitement and vulnerability that come with the possibility of a new relationship -- albeit a bit sooner than I would have ever expected -- is a good way to find out just how deeply in the psyche you buried your last relationship.

In the last week, I've had two dreams heavy laden with symbol and in which the former lover appeared. Both were very strange encounters, and a significant amount of psychological power was wrangled. I seem to be on the losing side. In the first, I was in what was assumed to be his house with my children; I wound up getting caught off guard by repairmen to whom he owed money. In the second, a therapist of some sort came to my house -- which was also full of children at a late hour, and not all of them mine, including one who was selling candy for school -- to negotiate a truce over the phone, against my judgement. The therapist went about tidying my kitchen and putting away food while I fell asleep on the couch with the phone still connected to good old Commander Cody on the other end.

All I want to do when I go to sleep is sleep. Or, dream about cool songwriters trying to call me on my mobile phone. Or enjoy little chats with my mother. Or drive over bridges and water and sit at the edge of the ocean. That's what I usually do in dreams.

I do not want to tangle with the psyches of ex-lovers. And I do not want them coming into my "house" at night. If you can't say it to me in broad daylight, don't think I'll let you get away with it in the dark.

As I swirled about the house this morning I became increasingly annoyed at the disruptive nature of these night visits. I decided I needed to exorcise this demon. Bluegrass, for as much as I love it, would never cut it. I had a song in mind for the job and was delighted to lay hands on the cd that featured it. Appropriately enough, it's from the album The Dreaming by Kate Bush. Only Kate, allowing me to stay in touch with my inner witch, carries enough shadow to handle this burden.

This burden is inside. This burden is in my house -- in dreams, the house always represents the mind and its hidden powers.

This house is full of good things.

This house is just short of brilliant.

This house is full of shadow and light.

This house is full of love and hope.

This house is full of memory and mistakes.

This house is mine.

Get out of my house.

When you left, the door was
(slamming!)
You paused in the doorway
(slamming!)
As though a thought stole you away
(slamming!)
I watched the world pull you away
(lock it!)

So I run into the hall,
(lock it!)Into the corridor
(lock it!)Theres a door in the house(slamming)
I hear the lift descending
(slamming!)I hear it hit the landing,
(slamming!)See the hackles on the cat(standing)

With my key i(lock it)
With my key i(lock it up)
With my key i(lock it)
With my key i(lock it up)

I am the concierge chez-moi, honey.
Wont letcha in for love, nor money.
(let me in!)
My home, my joy.
Im barred and bolted and i
(wont let you in)

(get out of my house!)
No strangers feet
Will enter me
(get out of my house!)
I wash the panes,
(get out of my house!)
I clean the stains away.
(get out of my house!)

This house is as old as I am
(slamming.)
This house knows all I have done
(slamming.)
They come with their weather hanging round them,
(slamming.)
But cant knock my door down!
(slamming.)

With my key i(lock it)
With my key i(lock it)

This house is full of m-m-my mess
(slamming.)
This house is full of m-m-mistakes
(slamming.)
This house is full of m-m-madness
(slamming.)
This house is full of, full of, full of fight!
(slam it.)
With my keeper i(clean up)
With my keeper i(clean it all up)
With my keeper i(clean up)
With my keeper i(clean it all up)

I am the concierge chez-moi, honey
Wont letcha in for love, nor money
(its cold out here!)
My home, my joy
Im barred and bolted and i

(get out of my house!)(wont let you in)
(get out of my house!)
No strangers feet(get out of my house!)
Will enter me.
(get out of my house!)
I wash the panes.
(get out of my house!)
I clean the stains
(get out of my house!)
(get out of my house!)
(get out of my house!)
(get out of my house!)
Wont enter me
(get out of my house!)
(get out of my house!)
(get out of my house!)(get out of my house!)
Yeah! wont let you in!
(get out of my house!)
(get out of my house!)


Woman let me in!
Let me bring in the memories!
Woman let me in!
Let me bring in the devil dreams!I

I will not let you in!
Dont you bring back the reveries.
I turn into a bird,
Carry further than the word is heard.

Woman let me in!I turn into the wind.
I blow you a cold kiss,
Stronger than the songs hit.

I will not let you in.
I face towards the wind.
I change into the mule.I change into the mule.
Hee-haw! hee-haw! hee-haw-hee-haw-hee-haw-hee-haw...Hee-haw! hee-haw! hee-haw!

6 Comments:

At February 22, 2007 9:06 AM, Blogger Shameless Agitator said...

MandoMama,

Do you need me to mail you some white sage?

Love,
Shameless Agitator

 
At February 22, 2007 9:16 AM, Blogger Shameless Agitator said...

This song might work too:

Rootless Tree by Damien Rice.

It's one of my current theme songs.

Love,
Shameless Agitator

*******
Rootless Tree
Damien Rice

what i want from you
is empty your head
they say be true,
don't stain your bed
we do what we need to be free
and it leans on me
like a rootless tree
what i want from us
is empty our minds
we fake a fuss
and fracture the times
we go blind
when we've needed to see
and this leans on me
like a rootless...
so fuck you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out of this hell when you're around

what i want from this
is learn to let go
no not of you
of all that's been told
killers reinvent and believe
and this leans on me
like a rootless...
so fuck you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out of this hell when you're around
let me out...
and fuck you, fuck you, i love you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out...
it's hell when you're around
*******

 
At February 22, 2007 12:07 PM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

Oh, Shameless, that's a good one too.

I imagine a number of readers are going,

"Whoa. What's up with MandoMama?"

But psychological spillage is not ok. It spreads and hurts other people with whom it comes in contact, and I'm trying not ot let that happen. I love the line, "This House is full of fight." That's what I'm doing. Fighting for my freedom to love and trust again.

These are great songs. Sometimes you just need the right tools for the job, when getting a little angry or weepy or practicing "letting go" or all that other stuff just doesn't cut it.

What I really need is a visit with my Slurps. ;-)

Love,
MM

 
At February 22, 2007 8:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, it sounds as though you do need to smudge then have a drink with the Slurps!

For whatever it's worth, I've been having very vivid dreams about past relationships, too. Dan, in particular, has been looming large.

At any rate, much love. We need to get together soon.

Shadow/J

 
At February 22, 2007 9:53 PM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

DAN. WHOA. It's so odd, all this stuff churning about us. It's just rolling right on through like that big wind outside my window.

Thank you Shadow. I feel a Shameless Slurpee Smudgefest coming on with a bonfire vengeance.

XOXO,
MM

 
At February 23, 2007 1:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I'm on Spring Break starting next Friday! I think we could all use a Slurpee Smudgefest.

I actively miss Dan.

Love you!

J

 

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