Thursday, February 08, 2007

MandoMama's Dilemma: What Would He Say To Me?

Ah, reader, tis the season of looooove. That time of year when new couples wonder what's appropriate for Valentine's Day, more seasoned couples have expectations, long-time boyfriends stress over whether a ring should appear, and couples enjoying truly human love wonder what all the fuss is about.

Some of us, of course, are fresh out of love and just happy to be here. And I am, but I've got a problem. And it goes back to my inexperience as a "dater." And I sure do need your help.

First of all, y'all know I don't get "dating" -- it's a continuous cycling through of human relationships. It's gross, it's senseless, it's kind of shallow, and it's exhausting for people like me who make their living making connections. Not to mention, it's completely not my style. And I learned this, really, early last summer when I went through a hapless series of introductions. It was just totally exhausting and fruitless. The more I learned, the less sense it made to do any of this what one reader calls "risky social networking." Then of course I met somebody who it turns out I would adore. And of course if you've been reading you know how that story turned out -- you saw Titanic, right?

But here's where you come in. I've never had my heart broken by a "local." You know what I mean? I did date someone for a short time and we morphed beautifully into friends, but it never really felt like we were dating, so this is decidedly very different. I'm out of my area, here. And my dilemma is that, whether it makes sense or not, I really don't know what I'd do if I ran into the guy. Because, it was not a happy ending. At least it was not a happy ending on my side, in complete confusion and darkness. When this happened once before, the guy was 350 miles away, so I never worried about bumping into him at Tommy's or the Beachland or anyplace else I like to hang out.

Now I have no intention of not going out or to my favorite places or shows. In fact I damn near expect to be EVERYWHERE if we are going to get bluegrass up and running in Northeast Ohio. And the reality is that I don't recall bumping into him before, so why should I worry now? Not to mention, for crying out loud, I'm 41 YEARS OLD and this kind of thing shouldn't bother a single mother who's been through a loss or two, let alone one who is as fine a woman as I am, not to put too fine a point on it, eh?!

But weird things are happening. In the last week, he's popped up, twice, quite unexpectedly and accidentally more or less virtually this week, and I feel like I'm living on borrowed time before the real thing happens. I need to get right with this gig, and fast.

SO help me out, reader. What do I do? Of course the best answer is to continue to stay the hell out of his way, particularly if he's got another girl on his arm, a girl perhaps he was more ready, willing, and able to allow into his life. But what of that inevitable moment? Damn, I hope I look good, and I hope my band looks better, lol!

While you're thinking up the good advice I know you'll share with me, take a listen to this song by Mary Chapin Carpenter. It's really the perfect song. I don't need to write one about this situation because she's already done it. Enjoy one called, What Would You Say to Me? I look forward to hearing from you....

What Would You Say To Me

Mary Chapin Carpenter - Between Here and Gone

What would you say to me?
What would you say to me?
What would you say to me,
If we met one day?

On the street of broken dreams.
On the street of broken dreams.
On the street of broken dreams,
Not so far away

Would you offer me a smile?
Would you offer me a smile?
Would you stop and talk a while,
Or would you walk away?

Why would you wanna see?
Why would you wanna see,
Another tear from me?
It's just a game you play.

You're not the only one.
You're not the only one,
When all was said an' done,
Who had to hurt this way.

Well, take a walk around the town.
Take a walk around this town.
Collar up an' head down,
Against the cold and grey.

We're only strangers here. (Strangers here.)
We're just like strangers here. (Strangers here.)
Hearts full of achin' fear,
Whisper: "Come what may."

Time only goes one way.
Time only goes one way.
Time only knows one way,
And it ain't comin' back.

So when you remember me,
When you remember me,
Some might, tenderly,

Just remember that.

What would you say to me?
What would you say to me?
What would you say to me,
If we met one day?


At February 09, 2007 1:09 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

Whatever is going to happen is going to happen (I'm surprised all those forced watched Star Treks have been lost on you). Don't sweat the small stuff and if it happens handle with all the grace that I know you have.

Hows that for a bunch of Dr.Phil bulls*it.

Love hunts but we learn and we move on and you do what akes you happy!

At February 09, 2007 5:03 PM, Blogger Shameless Agitator said...

MM, I agree with shannon. If you run in to him, hold your head up high and say thanks to the goddess that you found out who he really was before you were in too deep.

Shameless Agitator

At February 09, 2007 7:53 PM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

Hey you guys,

You are two reasons I do love my life so very much.

Shan, I suppose there was something about the hero's journey buried in all those star treks. After all, Picard's inner journey with the Borg brought him close to a psychic death, but he overcame. He still carried the "Shadow" of that bad experience but was all the wiser for it.

Shameless, I know you're right. I hope I can behave gracefully. I can't say I gracefully accepted being rejected, but to see things his way, I don't suppose I'd wear a shoe that doesn't fit, either.

Will you guys be my valentine? ;-)

At February 09, 2007 10:03 PM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

Hey Shameless,
Just came from your blog, where you posted that genius and simple piece from Johnson. He is the Dean of Shadow.

I let my love's shadow surprise me. I knew it was there, I knew he wasn't perfect, and I never told him he was. I loved him, I still do, there was never a single thing I feared or was repulsed by or disallowed. Shadow cut off the conversation.

Oh my man Darrell is on Folk Alley singing a tune from Family Tree. It's about when he and his wife found out they were unexpectedly pregnant..."You're a day late/And I'm a dollar short..."

Some people handle surprises better than others, I guess.

At February 10, 2007 11:55 AM, Blogger Shameless Agitator said...


Of course I'll be your valentine. Your shadow valentine!

And I loved the freudian slip by shannon, "love hunts" -- that's how you must feel after whats-his-name popped up online unexpectedly.

You can hold your head up high and still tell him off for treating you that way. I am certain you can beat him about the head with the english language and he won't even realize it until two days later when he looks in the mirror and asks himself where he got all the bruises.

Shameless Agitator

At February 10, 2007 12:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find it useful to think of former loves as I think of distant cousins. When I run into them, I am interested in knowing how their lives are turning out, but the ups and downs of their lives have no power to affect me. This mindset allows me to talk with them, share a meal, even a hug, without having my heart ripped out. And you WILL run into them, and they may even be at a life point where they will hint at wanting you back. I ran into one at a funeral just last week--after not seeing him for 20 years! Enjoy the news of your "cousin," then move on.

At February 10, 2007 1:24 PM, Blogger Mando Mama said...


Shameless, the one thing I don't have on this guy is the English language. One of the things that hooked me in the first place was that he was a better writer than I am (although not a better speller). And anyway, I've used up all my words. I'll just probably smile and keep moving -- pretty much how I approach everything else. I'm afraid the last guy who did this still bears the bruises --they are, in fact, self-inflicted wounds.

Anon, thanks for coming by! I love your suggestion, it's very helpful. Over time, you're right, he may come to feel more like a distant relative than the "uncle nobody wants to talk about",lol....peace out.


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