Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Outmoded. Dismissed. SHELVED.

I've really tried to refrain not only from entertaining what happened to some of the people and friendships that have come and gone this year, but from mocking them here on this blog. One of these friendships I'm genuinely concerned about and want to reignite. The other, well, you know, when you profess to your lover a litany of "uns" - unwilling, unavailable, unable, un-ready, you get the drift -- she has a right to be a little un-impressed, and might even feel tempted to be a little un-kind.

(Really, folks, it was an ok poem. It would have been nice if a) the sentiments had been expressed directly, and sooner, and b) if it had been about someone else.)

I've allowed for the possibility that something truly awful happened to this person and that some significant life-altering event has caused him to cut and run, dismissing me, my feelings, my friendship, and my existence almost entirely (and making off with the Dawkins book I loaned him, dammit). Or maybe something wonderful happened and it's caused my recent invisibility. Whatever it is, I am reminded that a lot of guys, even nice ones, are as dumb as dirt and have hearts unreliable at best, trailing off in whichever direction their little weewee leads them. Personally I know but a few exceptions. Hooray, I know SOME.

The truth is, this has happened to me once before. There is nothing so stupid and maddening as the inexplicable disappearance of a man to whom you've given your best. You can't help but wonder what the hell happened or whether it's possible that "it" and you actually didn't matter at all. Dag, Bubba! At least the last time taught me one thing: it wasn't me. And I don't think it is this time either. I also learned between then and now that I'll probably never know, so there's no use trying to fix something or make nice or offer peace to someone who at least at the moment doesn't give a rat's ass. I've been discarded, so it's onward and upward!

BUT....not before this AWESOME rendition of one of my very favorite Bill Monroe tunes, Blue Night. I just LOVE to howl this song. I fell in love with it the first time I heard a live Hot Rize recording. It's a great song, and with my hero, Tim O'Brien on lead vocals, you cannot resist it.

Tim O'Brien is a good Pisces. He's reflective, thoughtful, but has had his moments and has them still, at heart a big kid but with much wisdom. This kind can trip you up. Everyone has a shadow, and if you're not looking, the other person's shadow can sneak up on you or your shadow, and suddenly you find yourself blogging about your disappearing lovers and their weary unreliable hearts.

Eh, beam me up to that High Lonesome sound, making that last one but a bad dream. Even though I don't believe in that crap, I'll keep my eye out for another Pisces. Evidently, they have the corner on the foot massage market. And if I deserve anything, it's to have a good man rub my achy, breaky, hardworking, beat-keeping dog-tired feet, dammit!!!


Blue Night

Blue night I got you on my mind
Blue night I can't keep from crying
You met someone that was new
You quit someone that you knew was true
Blue night I got you on my mind

Blue night blue as I can be
I don't know what'll become of me
Where we used to walk I walk alone
With an aching heart because my love is gone
Blue night blue as I can be

Blue night 'cause I'm all alone
I used to call you on the telephone
I used to call and it made you glad
Now I call and it makes you mad
Blue night 'cause I'm all alone

Blue night all by myself
Since you put me on that shelf
There's just one thing that you must know
You're gonna reap just what you sow
Blue night, all by myself
Blue night, all by myself


At December 28, 2006 4:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I'm sorry to hear about the stuff that happened. I don't like you getting hurt by somebody. And, I don't like anybody making off with the Dawkins book! WTF?!

Anyway, I also know that I too am a man and am probably just as stupid as the rest. None the less, I hope you and the kids had a great holiday. (I really need to play a good game with you guys again one day. I seriously miss it!)

Hang in there and stuff. :-)

At December 28, 2006 8:20 AM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

My Dear BB,
Thanks much for the solstice solace. I guess it is what it is and by and by it will make sense. As for the book, I learned two things: 1)never loan anything of great sentimental value, and 2)sometimes things of great sentimental value can serve a bigger purpose, like winning over more Dawkins fans! It's my hope, anyway,

We're still holidaying --- I've spent the whole week with the wee ones, totally having a blast, and we're not through! Hope your holidays have been beautiful.

At December 28, 2006 8:34 AM, Blogger Mando Mama said...

PS-- As for you, I did speak of exceptions. Despite our differences,some hardly small, you have remained constant. Thanks for that.


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